1 00:00:00,800 --> 00:00:02,800 ? Subbed By BARFNUTS ? 2 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:05,880 [wind whistles] 3 00:00:06,963 --> 00:00:09,032 [groans] 4 00:00:09,316 --> 00:00:10,292 Huh? 5 00:00:10,330 --> 00:00:11,782 HATRED: Good morning. 6 00:00:11,911 --> 00:00:13,137 Last night I drugged you boys 7 00:00:13,221 --> 00:00:15,932 and had H.E.L.P.Er. take you to your new homes. 8 00:00:16,015 --> 00:00:18,809 As your bodyguard, I must prepare you for the worst. 9 00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:20,978 Your father is most likely dead. 10 00:00:21,062 --> 00:00:23,147 He was crushed to death by a disco ball, 11 00:00:23,231 --> 00:00:26,526 And his lifeless husk was taken by The Monarch. 12 00:00:26,609 --> 00:00:29,445 Your godfathers have the rest of the info. 13 00:00:29,529 --> 00:00:32,323 GENTLEMAN: Get in, son. Welcome to Tangier. 14 00:00:32,406 --> 00:00:36,160 They will raise you as their own sons from here on out. 15 00:00:36,244 --> 00:00:38,746 After! write these notes, I plan on shooting myself, 16 00:00:38,829 --> 00:00:41,040 then burning the Venture estate down. 17 00:00:41,123 --> 00:00:43,751 Not really, but, again, that would be the worst, 18 00:00:43,834 --> 00:00:46,295 and I want to prepare you for the worst, 19 00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:47,588 'cause I love you both. 20 00:00:47,672 --> 00:00:49,257 Uncle Vatred. 21 00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:50,841 Oh, good. You're up. Here. 22 00:00:50,925 --> 00:00:53,219 Put this on and meet me out back. 23 00:00:53,302 --> 00:00:55,555 Oh, and, uh, welcome to Boca Raton. 24 00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:57,431 [chuckles] Son. 25 00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:02,562 ACTION MAN: Poor little guy. 26 00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:04,313 HANK: ls that your... pet? 27 00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:05,898 Blackie died 15 years ago. 28 00:01:05,982 --> 00:01:08,776 That's Entmann -- first of Team Venture to go. 29 00:01:08,859 --> 00:01:10,695 Gosh, I'm awful sorry. 30 00:01:10,778 --> 00:01:13,614 "You are my pal, and you are my friend. 31 00:01:13,698 --> 00:01:16,492 And your weird body, to heaven, I send. 32 00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:18,703 When you were massive and full of size, 33 00:01:18,786 --> 00:01:21,622 you gave me council, because you were wise. 34 00:01:21,706 --> 00:01:24,083 Saying, 'Action Man, take it down a notch. 35 00:01:24,166 --> 00:01:27,336 Stop just thinking with your Action crotch.' 36 00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:29,880 And when you were shrunk down to a little mole, 37 00:01:29,964 --> 00:01:32,633 you were able to swim laps in a little bowl. 38 00:01:32,717 --> 00:01:35,803 Now you are dead 'cause of my chair. 39 00:01:35,886 --> 00:01:38,264 I had no idea that you were there. 40 00:01:38,347 --> 00:01:41,225 When I rocked back in repose, 41 00:01:41,309 --> 00:01:44,353 you died and began to decompose." 42 00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:45,521 [ sniffles ] 43 00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:47,565 [zip] 44 00:01:47,648 --> 00:01:49,942 Dude! What are you doing?! 45 00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:51,944 Venture tradition, son. [Zip 1 46 00:01:52,028 --> 00:01:53,321 Oh. Uh, should I-- 47 00:01:53,404 --> 00:01:54,822 Nope. You're the youngest here. 48 00:01:54,905 --> 00:01:57,408 You got to fertilize the ground to represent new life. 49 00:01:57,491 --> 00:01:59,410 Drop 'em and squat. 50 00:01:59,493 --> 00:02:02,079 Now, now, son. That's not a napkin, that's bread. 51 00:02:02,163 --> 00:02:04,248 You scoop up your couscous With it. 52 00:02:04,332 --> 00:02:06,250 Sorry. I'm used to bread-shaped bread. 53 00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:08,252 Don't drink that. Dysentery. 54 00:02:08,336 --> 00:02:11,172 You'll be crapping your brains out all over my antiques. 55 00:02:11,255 --> 00:02:12,840 You'll learn the customs here in no time. 56 00:02:12,923 --> 00:02:14,550 I hope I don't have to. 57 00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:16,802 I really think my dad's okay, Mr. Gentleman. 58 00:02:16,886 --> 00:02:19,555 "Mr. Gentleman"? You call me Pop-Pop. 59 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:21,974 Rebuilding Team Venture, old man? 60 00:02:22,058 --> 00:02:24,352 Or just found yourself a new plaything? 61 00:02:24,435 --> 00:02:26,437 Hey, you remember me, do you, laddie? 62 00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:29,482 So, you might want to show me a little more respect. 63 00:02:29,565 --> 00:02:31,609 Respect? You clowns were a joke 64 00:02:31,692 --> 00:02:33,986 even before the Action Man went to rehab. 65 00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:36,489 Sorry, the old ears don't hear so good anymore. 66 00:02:36,572 --> 00:02:38,449 What was that? - You heard me. 67 00:02:38,532 --> 00:02:41,661 Dean, be a good boy and go pick a song on the jukebox. 68 00:02:41,744 --> 00:02:44,288 This man wants to dance with your Pop-Pop. 69 00:02:44,372 --> 00:02:45,456 Okay. 70 00:02:45,539 --> 00:02:47,750 He's a little young... even for you. 71 00:02:47,833 --> 00:02:49,460 Are you sure you want to have a fight? 72 00:02:49,543 --> 00:02:51,212 'Cause I'm only go use a thumb. 73 00:02:51,295 --> 00:02:53,005 Uh... the left one. 74 00:02:53,089 --> 00:02:54,840 The right one's too powerful for you. 75 00:02:54,924 --> 00:02:58,219 I'd love to see that. 76 00:02:58,302 --> 00:03:01,305 [yells] 77 00:03:01,389 --> 00:03:02,473 [breathing shakily] 78 00:03:02,556 --> 00:03:04,934 I didn't specify my thumb. 79 00:03:06,811 --> 00:03:09,355 [rustling ] 80 00:03:09,438 --> 00:03:12,358 I know you're there. You move, and I shoot. 81 00:03:12,441 --> 00:03:13,484 Oh, no, Gary. 82 00:03:13,567 --> 00:03:15,695 Please don't shoot me with your stick. 83 00:03:15,778 --> 00:03:16,862 Eh, it's all I -- 84 00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:18,698 Yeah, blah, blah. Look, I need your help. 85 00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:20,032 How'd you find me? 86 00:03:20,116 --> 00:03:21,867 Idiot, you're camping on our property. 87 00:03:21,951 --> 00:03:24,370 How dumb do you think I am? - Uh, very? 88 00:03:24,453 --> 00:03:26,330 Yeah, I'd love to keep playing this game with you, 89 00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:27,873 but we got problems. 90 00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:30,668 The Monarch has Doc. - How did that happen? 91 00:03:30,751 --> 00:03:32,837 Doc crashed a party at Don Hell's. 92 00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:34,463 Whoa! Not smart. 93 00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:36,841 Villain nightclub. Bad people in there. 94 00:03:36,924 --> 00:03:39,093 So, are you in? I know it's touchy for you, 95 00:03:39,176 --> 00:03:40,803 and you'll probably baby out on me, 96 00:03:40,886 --> 00:03:42,680 but I also know that you're a good man... 97 00:03:42,763 --> 00:03:44,181 under all that pudge. 98 00:03:44,265 --> 00:03:45,808 Yeah, I'm pudgy. And you're wearing 99 00:03:45,891 --> 00:03:48,561 a bulletproof vest made from an old couch, I assume. 100 00:03:48,644 --> 00:03:50,646 Yeah, I'm in. Let's bring him home. 101 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,481 [mimics gun cock] 102 00:03:52,565 --> 00:03:54,150 Did you just cock your stick? 103 00:03:54,233 --> 00:03:56,026 Yeah. Whatever. So, I just -- so, what? 104 00:03:56,110 --> 00:03:58,821 So, you ready? I am gonna wet myself. 105 00:03:58,904 --> 00:04:01,157 MRS. MONARCH: Calm down! I'm almost done. 106 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:02,825 Hey, what about putting him in the one 107 00:04:02,908 --> 00:04:05,411 with a hungry rat in a cage that he wears as a mask? 108 00:04:05,494 --> 00:04:07,037 It'll eat his nose. 109 00:04:07,121 --> 00:04:08,372 MRS. MONARCH: I told you -- rats, piranhas, 110 00:04:08,456 --> 00:04:10,541 sharks, and badgers are too much hassle. 111 00:04:10,624 --> 00:04:12,835 No animals. - Okay! 112 00:04:12,918 --> 00:04:15,171 Hey, what about just straight-up flaying, huh? 113 00:04:15,254 --> 00:04:18,174 But as a sinister twist -- ice knife? 114 00:04:18,257 --> 00:04:19,842 Oh, put that one down. 115 00:04:19,925 --> 00:04:21,385 Just wait for me to finish. 116 00:04:21,469 --> 00:04:24,054 I can't wait. I'm so excited! 117 00:04:24,138 --> 00:04:25,806 All right. All right, all right. 118 00:04:25,890 --> 00:04:27,808 Calm down, now. Work on the old list. 119 00:04:27,892 --> 00:04:30,436 Nifty, nifty little listy. 120 00:04:30,519 --> 00:04:32,897 Number 15 -- ice knife. 121 00:04:32,980 --> 00:04:35,191 [sighs] Okay, I'm calm now. 122 00:04:35,274 --> 00:04:37,526 Everything's cool. - Good. 123 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:40,988 Broken glass in ears, question mark. 124 00:04:41,071 --> 00:04:42,740 I just peed myself a little. 125 00:04:42,823 --> 00:04:44,992 Sweetie, please, relax. 126 00:04:45,075 --> 00:04:46,410 I really appreciate this. 127 00:04:46,494 --> 00:04:48,412 I'm only doing it 'cause it's against Guild regulations 128 00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:50,748 to torture somebody with an unattended injury. 129 00:04:50,831 --> 00:04:53,542 Yeah, not buying it. I know you're the softie here. 130 00:04:53,626 --> 00:04:55,544 Not my first time at the rodeo. 131 00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:57,421 Rodeo's over, baldy. You're hog-tied. 132 00:04:57,505 --> 00:04:59,048 I'm just waiting for my husband 133 00:04:59,131 --> 00:05:01,091 to pick out a barbecue sauce to spread on you. 134 00:05:01,175 --> 00:05:04,094 - Ow! - Yeah, dislocated. Figured. 135 00:05:04,178 --> 00:05:07,097 [sighs] I know you clowns aren't gonna do anything. 136 00:05:07,181 --> 00:05:08,891 You never do. 137 00:05:08,974 --> 00:05:11,018 Yeah, he may not be very good at it, but he loves it, 138 00:05:11,101 --> 00:05:13,437 and I love him, so you better play along. 139 00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:15,064 How about you pop my hip back in place, 140 00:05:15,147 --> 00:05:16,941 and I send you a little tax-free donation? 141 00:05:17,024 --> 00:05:19,777 You are gonna cry in agony if my husband tickles you. 142 00:05:19,860 --> 00:05:22,822 You will plea for your life if he gives you a back rub. 143 00:05:22,905 --> 00:05:26,116 You will try to escape just so he can catch you. 144 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,035 Why... would I do that? 145 00:05:28,118 --> 00:05:29,870 Because if you don't, I will straight-up 146 00:05:29,954 --> 00:05:32,706 just slit your throat. 147 00:05:32,790 --> 00:05:35,000 [chuckles ] No, no. You wouldn't do that. 148 00:05:35,084 --> 00:05:38,504 - Don't underestimate a woman in love, Dr. Venture. 149 00:05:38,587 --> 00:05:40,339 So, you allergic to epinephrine? 150 00:05:40,422 --> 00:05:42,341 No, I'm not allergic to any anesthetics. 151 00:05:42,424 --> 00:05:44,718 And I'm not allergic to hand lotion, 152 00:05:44,802 --> 00:05:47,721 if you, uh, want to give me a happy ending. 153 00:05:47,805 --> 00:05:49,557 Nah. [crack] 154 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:50,808 [ Screams ] 155 00:05:50,891 --> 00:05:52,977 Don't start without me! 156 00:05:53,060 --> 00:05:54,979 ACTION MAN: All right. Now, just like we rehearsed, okay? 157 00:05:55,062 --> 00:05:56,605 That's her. 158 00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:59,483 That delicious piece of randy candy over there. 159 00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:01,735 Check. 160 00:06:01,819 --> 00:06:04,488 Hello, Rose. Uh, mind if I -- 161 00:06:04,572 --> 00:06:06,782 Yes, I was just leaving anyway. 162 00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:08,993 [Sighs] Okay, 163 00:06:09,076 --> 00:06:11,620 Oh, dear. What is the matter? 164 00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:13,831 Oh, it's been a heck of a year, Rose. 165 00:06:13,914 --> 00:06:16,208 I-I lost my wife, my best friend, 166 00:06:16,292 --> 00:06:19,545 and now my -- my son is hooked on rock 'n' roll. 167 00:06:19,628 --> 00:06:20,838 Rock 'n' roll?! 168 00:06:20,921 --> 00:06:22,840 Rodney, that's the devil's music. 169 00:06:22,923 --> 00:06:24,842 Hey, old man. I was just playing my bass 170 00:06:24,925 --> 00:06:27,177 at a volume that's unreasonable. 171 00:06:27,261 --> 00:06:28,888 Can you give me some money to buy records 172 00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:30,306 With clear warning labels? 173 00:06:30,389 --> 00:06:31,307 Oh, Rose. 174 00:06:31,390 --> 00:06:33,517 You got to help me straighten him out. 175 00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:36,437 You ain't never gonna stop me from overly sexualized dancing 176 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:38,314 and dressing like an indigent. 177 00:06:38,397 --> 00:06:39,565 Loud rock music! 178 00:06:39,648 --> 00:06:41,609 The devil has a grip on you. 179 00:06:41,692 --> 00:06:43,861 You've got to fight him, sweetie. 180 00:06:43,944 --> 00:06:45,988 You have to fight him with show tunes. 181 00:06:46,071 --> 00:06:48,365 Show tunes? If I play them backwards, 182 00:06:48,449 --> 00:06:51,035 Will they make me want to try reefer cigarette marijuanas? 183 00:06:51,118 --> 00:06:52,369 Oh, heaven's no. 184 00:06:52,453 --> 00:06:54,997 They will make you want to solve problems in song. 185 00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:56,582 And with dancing. 186 00:06:56,665 --> 00:06:59,585 Gosh, I think I'd like to get hooked on show tunes now. 187 00:06:59,668 --> 00:07:01,670 I've been so wrong about everything. 188 00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:03,672 You're the best father in the world! 189 00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:05,341 Aw, shucks, son. 190 00:07:05,424 --> 00:07:07,343 I couldn't have done it without Rose, here. 191 00:07:07,426 --> 00:07:09,136 - You sure do make a great team. 192 00:07:09,219 --> 00:07:11,138 Hey, Pop, maybe she'd like to have dinner with us? 193 00:07:11,221 --> 00:07:14,058 Oh, don't be silly. I'm sure Rose is very -- 194 00:07:14,141 --> 00:07:18,020 Oh, yes, young man, I would love to dine with you. 195 00:07:18,103 --> 00:07:21,190 GENTLEMAN: So, start the watch when Salem comes on screen, 196 00:07:21,273 --> 00:07:22,733 then stop it when he's off. 197 00:07:22,816 --> 00:07:24,109 Then you write the time down 198 00:07:24,193 --> 00:07:26,070 and indicate whether it was that crappy puppet 199 00:07:26,153 --> 00:07:28,072 or an actual cat. 200 00:07:28,155 --> 00:07:30,908 Are all these tapes "Sabrina, The Teenage Witch"? 201 00:07:30,991 --> 00:07:32,034 Well, obviously, son. 202 00:07:32,117 --> 00:07:34,453 It's the only show that starred Salem the Cat. 203 00:07:34,536 --> 00:07:36,080 Now, once you finish that, 204 00:07:36,163 --> 00:07:38,457 you get to take dictation for "I Gentleman," 205 00:07:38,540 --> 00:07:42,503 the third installment of my autobiographical thrillogy. 206 00:07:43,545 --> 00:07:45,464 GARY: Oh, look at this place. Nothing changed. 207 00:07:45,547 --> 00:07:46,715 Kept it just the way I left it. 208 00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:49,051 HATRED: Hey, how far is the floor from my feet? 209 00:07:49,134 --> 00:07:51,095 Oh, like a yard. 210 00:07:51,178 --> 00:07:52,846 Aw, they got me a Guild Calamity Conference shirt. 211 00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:54,264 [thud] 212 00:07:54,348 --> 00:07:56,266 Yard. That was like 5 feet. 213 00:07:56,350 --> 00:07:58,185 Aww, it says I'm his best henchman. 214 00:07:58,268 --> 00:07:59,603 It's a t-shirt. So what? 215 00:07:59,687 --> 00:08:01,772 You got any weapons? - Under the bed. 216 00:08:01,855 --> 00:08:03,774 The Ventures never gave me a t-shirt. 217 00:08:03,857 --> 00:08:06,402 Boo-hoo. I tattooed a "V" on my face, 218 00:08:06,485 --> 00:08:08,404 And I still got to pay for my own food. 219 00:08:08,487 --> 00:08:10,406 Where's your costume? - Why do you do it? 220 00:08:10,489 --> 00:08:12,908 What? Bodyguard? It's all the same. 221 00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:15,619 Sergeant Hatred, Uncle Vatred -- 222 00:08:15,703 --> 00:08:17,955 same old war horse fighting for what he cares about. 223 00:08:18,038 --> 00:08:19,665 Well, what do you care about? 224 00:08:19,748 --> 00:08:21,291 Fighting. 225 00:08:21,375 --> 00:08:23,293 Yeah, just point me at a cause, and I'll do the rest. 226 00:08:23,377 --> 00:08:24,795 You know, I can't believe we're so similar. 227 00:08:24,878 --> 00:08:26,088 How come we never got close? 228 00:08:26,171 --> 00:08:28,924 'Cause I don't trust you, and 'cause you're a dork. 229 00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,426 And this is a toy chest. 230 00:08:30,509 --> 00:08:32,428 - That's a display cabinet for collectibles, my friend. 231 00:08:32,511 --> 00:08:34,430 It's at the bottom. That's my old one. 232 00:08:34,513 --> 00:08:36,432 It might still smell like soup. 233 00:08:36,515 --> 00:08:38,225 [ Grunts ] That's horrible. What is that? 234 00:08:38,308 --> 00:08:39,518 Soup. 235 00:08:39,601 --> 00:08:42,104 MONARCH: Okay. I'm so ready. 236 00:08:42,187 --> 00:08:44,023 Let's do this. - You wanna rehearse again? 237 00:08:44,106 --> 00:08:45,524 No, I got this one down. 238 00:08:45,607 --> 00:08:47,526 You just gotta remember that after I do the sinister laugh, 239 00:08:47,609 --> 00:08:50,320 cross your arms and look at me like I'm the shit. 240 00:08:50,404 --> 00:08:52,239 You want me to do the, uh... 241 00:08:52,322 --> 00:08:54,116 No, no. That's too "King and l." 242 00:08:54,199 --> 00:08:55,951 Keep it believable. [buzzing lips] 243 00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:58,662 He fights the zeitgeist with polite might. 244 00:08:58,746 --> 00:09:00,664 [buzzing lips] 245 00:09:00,748 --> 00:09:03,792 [ Inhales] Okay. Showtime. 246 00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:05,169 [Clank] 247 00:09:05,252 --> 00:09:07,129 Hello, Dr. Venture. 248 00:09:07,212 --> 00:09:10,132 Are you prepared to die?! - Who's there? 249 00:09:10,215 --> 00:09:11,842 Oh. Why did you blindfold him?! 250 00:09:11,925 --> 00:09:13,927 I'm all dressed up! 251 00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:17,723 MONARCH: We Westerners know nothing of torture. 252 00:09:17,806 --> 00:09:19,558 We simply nail a man's balls to a chair. 253 00:09:19,641 --> 00:09:21,268 Where is the poetry? 254 00:09:21,351 --> 00:09:23,270 Ah, in the East, they know 255 00:09:23,353 --> 00:09:25,105 the exquisite beauty of torture. 256 00:09:25,189 --> 00:09:27,608 There they've turned a sound that makes virgins weep 257 00:09:27,691 --> 00:09:30,736 into a sound that makes a man roar with suffering. 258 00:09:30,819 --> 00:09:33,030 What? Can't hear squat in here. 259 00:09:33,113 --> 00:09:34,573 Where am I? 260 00:09:34,656 --> 00:09:37,868 The bell! [laughs maniacally] 261 00:09:37,951 --> 00:09:39,453 DOC: Labelle? Patti Labelle? 262 00:09:39,536 --> 00:09:41,997 The Bell! When rung at full peal, 263 00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:44,416 the vibrations pierce the body like sharp knives 264 00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:47,169 that pull at the muscles and burst the veins. 265 00:09:47,252 --> 00:09:49,046 The bones twist and crack 266 00:09:49,129 --> 00:09:51,840 in relative silence to the cries of... 267 00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:52,883 The Bell! 268 00:09:52,966 --> 00:09:55,886 [laughs maniacally] 269 00:09:55,969 --> 00:09:59,056 [bell ringing] - Right there. 270 00:09:59,139 --> 00:10:00,766 I pay how much to live in a gated neighborhood, 271 00:10:00,849 --> 00:10:03,769 and some loser cranks a Mike Oldfield album? 272 00:10:03,852 --> 00:10:05,771 What's next -- Pink Floyd?! 273 00:10:05,854 --> 00:10:11,068 Have another toke, hippie. 274 00:10:11,151 --> 00:10:13,070 What? Nothing?! Are you serious? 275 00:10:13,153 --> 00:10:14,321 What can I tell you? 276 00:10:14,404 --> 00:10:16,782 I spent most of my childhood in a supersonic jet. 277 00:10:16,865 --> 00:10:17,991 [ Clears throat] 278 00:10:18,075 --> 00:10:21,078 Oh, I mean, oh! I think my kidneys burst! 279 00:10:21,161 --> 00:10:23,622 Please, no more bursting of my... kidneys. 280 00:10:23,705 --> 00:10:27,084 [sighs] The bell, dot, dot, dot, sucks. 281 00:10:27,167 --> 00:10:30,337 Three exclamation points. 282 00:10:30,420 --> 00:10:32,256 You're finished, Brainulo! 283 00:10:32,339 --> 00:10:34,925 By now, Jonas and Otto have realigned the missile. 284 00:10:35,008 --> 00:10:36,260 It's over. 285 00:10:36,343 --> 00:10:38,011 You may have bested my judo lizards, 286 00:10:38,095 --> 00:10:40,931 but you won't fare as well with your next opponents. 287 00:10:41,014 --> 00:10:43,267 We won't fight each other, Brainulo! 288 00:10:43,350 --> 00:10:44,893 E-Each other? Aw... 289 00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:46,770 I wish I thought of that. 290 00:10:46,854 --> 00:10:48,772 Oh, it really seems obvious now, doesn't it? 291 00:10:48,856 --> 00:10:50,816 - It's all but a clich�, you idiot. 292 00:10:50,899 --> 00:10:52,860 How did you miss that? - I don't know. 293 00:10:52,943 --> 00:10:55,571 But I did come up with something more sinister. 294 00:10:55,654 --> 00:10:58,907 Prepare yourself to fight... your crushes -- 295 00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:00,951 Triple Threat and Jass. 296 00:11:01,034 --> 00:11:03,829 - Nobody for Humongoloid? - Be realistic, big guy. 297 00:11:03,912 --> 00:11:05,706 You're sweet on Jass, really? 298 00:11:05,789 --> 00:11:06,915 Look at him. 299 00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:08,709 He's like a blade of sexual grass 300 00:11:08,792 --> 00:11:10,460 swaying in the breeze. 301 00:11:10,544 --> 00:11:12,296 Arrow straight, believe it or not. 302 00:11:12,379 --> 00:11:14,298 So, Triple Threat? 303 00:11:14,381 --> 00:11:15,841 It's that goody-goody thing. 304 00:11:15,924 --> 00:11:18,427 I just wanna get all animal on her and show her my filth. 305 00:11:18,510 --> 00:11:20,846 [ Doorbell rings] GENTLEMAN: Was that the doorbell? 306 00:11:20,929 --> 00:11:22,472 DEAN: I think so. Do you wanna stop here? 307 00:11:22,556 --> 00:11:24,141 [ dog barking] GENTLEMAN: Mischa! Who's that, girl? 308 00:11:24,224 --> 00:11:26,476 ls that Kiki? ls that Kiki? 309 00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:29,479 That's my puppy. There's a girl. 310 00:11:29,563 --> 00:11:31,565 [sniffles ] All right, Dean. Put a pin in that story. 311 00:11:31,648 --> 00:11:33,609 Have to have it out with Kiki. 312 00:11:33,692 --> 00:11:36,486 That Amber tramp's been playing me for a fool. 313 00:11:36,570 --> 00:11:39,114 I've been trying to drill Rose for, like, 40 years. 314 00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:41,116 It's like a damn obsession. 315 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,368 You grease those gears, and you can name your price. 316 00:11:43,452 --> 00:11:45,746 All right. I'm gonna need $50 cash, 317 00:11:45,829 --> 00:11:47,581 Stingray bass, and a ride home, 318 00:11:47,664 --> 00:11:50,542 'cause this whole place smells like Dinty Moore Beef Stew. 319 00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:53,879 - Done, done, and done. - Super swear? 320 00:11:53,962 --> 00:11:55,547 If you can get me time with Rose, 321 00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:59,009 I'll swear on the only thing holy to me. 322 00:11:59,092 --> 00:12:01,261 TOGETHER: Go, Team Venture. 323 00:12:04,598 --> 00:12:05,891 21? 324 00:12:05,974 --> 00:12:08,185 Hey, so glad you're back, man. 325 00:12:08,268 --> 00:12:09,895 This place sucks now. Moppets? 326 00:12:09,978 --> 00:12:11,980 Dude, they're pretty much running crap in here. 327 00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:13,732 [as Uh... hello. 328 00:12:13,815 --> 00:12:15,651 What's that blue stuff on your face? 329 00:12:15,734 --> 00:12:18,612 It's, uh... ice. Icicles. 330 00:12:18,695 --> 00:12:21,198 [grunts] W-T-FUCK are you doing?! 331 00:12:21,281 --> 00:12:23,325 You made me hit a guy on my softball team. 332 00:12:23,408 --> 00:12:26,036 [normal voice] Yeah, that was -- hey, you saved me. 333 00:12:26,119 --> 00:12:28,914 I didn't think you would. - Oh, dude, don't get all 334 00:12:28,997 --> 00:12:30,999 Sarah McLachlan dog commercial on me. 335 00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:34,336 Uh, I'm not, I'm just... Aww, get over here. 336 00:12:34,419 --> 00:12:35,921 [sighs] Can we hug later? 337 00:12:36,004 --> 00:12:37,965 You've got to go to the cell blocks on the lower level. 338 00:12:38,048 --> 00:12:39,925 I'm gonna check the bridge. - Check. 339 00:12:40,008 --> 00:12:43,387 I won't let you down... buddy. 340 00:12:45,555 --> 00:12:48,475 Well, isn't that interesting. 341 00:12:48,558 --> 00:12:50,686 [whirring ] MONARCH: Oh, don't worry. 342 00:12:50,769 --> 00:12:52,479 I'm not going into that cavity. 343 00:12:52,562 --> 00:12:54,189 That nerve's already dying. 344 00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:57,359 A live, freshly cut nerve is infinitely more sensitive. 345 00:12:57,442 --> 00:12:59,778 [grunts] - What? 346 00:12:59,861 --> 00:13:02,114 I can smell your fear. 347 00:13:02,197 --> 00:13:04,908 Ugh, and your fear smells just like cat food. 348 00:13:04,992 --> 00:13:05,909 Ugh! 349 00:13:05,993 --> 00:13:08,578 Sorry, I had shrimp in garlic butter last night. 350 00:13:08,662 --> 00:13:11,915 I-I can't -- ugh. It -- it's just really bad. 351 00:13:11,999 --> 00:13:13,917 How do you even stand having that be your mouth? 352 00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:16,044 Ugh. No. No. 353 00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:17,921 GENTLEMAN: Well, then just get out, then! I'm tired of it. 354 00:13:18,005 --> 00:13:19,589 [ Moroccan accent] Who this one? 355 00:13:19,673 --> 00:13:21,258 Him new lover for Mr. Gentleman? 356 00:13:21,341 --> 00:13:22,759 That's my son. 357 00:13:22,843 --> 00:13:25,095 Are you leaving, or should I throw you out? 358 00:13:25,178 --> 00:13:28,056 No. Kiki leave. Kiki have new man. 359 00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:30,058 Great! Have fun. 360 00:13:30,142 --> 00:13:31,727 Maybe when he kicks his coke habit, 361 00:13:31,810 --> 00:13:35,772 your new man will kick you like he does all his boys! 362 00:13:38,483 --> 00:13:41,361 I... um... I arranged the first two chapters for you 363 00:13:41,445 --> 00:13:43,947 and then made a chapter for your lists. 364 00:13:44,031 --> 00:13:46,950 Yes. Yes, let's get back to my lists. 365 00:13:47,034 --> 00:13:48,827 If you want to talk about this -- 366 00:13:48,910 --> 00:13:51,663 Colonel Gentleman's List of Things Not to Do. 367 00:13:51,747 --> 00:13:55,000 Number one -- get involved with a person 1/3 your age. 368 00:13:55,083 --> 00:13:56,752 You hear me, Dean? 369 00:13:56,835 --> 00:14:00,297 Uh, I can safely promise that I won't get involved with a 6-year-old. 370 00:14:00,380 --> 00:14:02,341 Number two -- retire to a country 371 00:14:02,424 --> 00:14:05,093 where your sexual preference is a capital offense. 372 00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:07,763 Number three -- stay past your welcome. 373 00:14:07,846 --> 00:14:10,015 This place used to be a paradise. 374 00:14:10,098 --> 00:14:12,017 That pretty peacock Yves Saint Laurent 375 00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:13,810 lived right there. 376 00:14:13,894 --> 00:14:17,272 Burroughs, Capote, Forbes, Kerouac, Ginsberg -- 377 00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:20,317 ah, Ginsberg, that eager little puppy. 378 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:21,985 I miss 'em. 379 00:14:22,069 --> 00:14:24,988 They're all gone, Dean. And here I am. 380 00:14:25,072 --> 00:14:26,573 Should I be writing this down? 381 00:14:26,656 --> 00:14:28,533 Yes, but not for my memoirs. 382 00:14:28,617 --> 00:14:31,036 For me, so I can look at my life. 383 00:14:31,119 --> 00:14:33,997 What am I doing here? 384 00:14:34,081 --> 00:14:35,916 Doc'? 385 00:14:35,999 --> 00:14:38,001 Psst. Doc? You in here? 386 00:14:38,085 --> 00:14:39,836 [gun cocks] MOPPET: Looking for someone? 387 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:41,046 Where's Doc? 388 00:14:41,129 --> 00:14:44,174 He's being tortured by The Monarch and 21. 389 00:14:44,257 --> 00:14:46,385 You're such a sucker, man. 390 00:14:46,468 --> 00:14:49,054 Fat boy been playing you the whole time. 391 00:14:49,137 --> 00:14:51,390 He would never -- you're lying! 392 00:14:51,473 --> 00:14:53,392 Whatever. Show this man out... 393 00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:56,895 and treat him appropriately -- use the garbage chute. 394 00:14:56,978 --> 00:14:59,231 [yells] 395 00:14:59,314 --> 00:15:01,483 Show me the garbage chute, will you? 396 00:15:01,566 --> 00:15:03,151 You're the garbage here! 397 00:15:03,235 --> 00:15:06,863 You're a bunch of lying... garbage people. 398 00:15:07,864 --> 00:15:09,866 Where the hell is everybody? 399 00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:12,494 Well, hello, traitor. 400 00:15:12,577 --> 00:15:14,663 Security to the throne room. 401 00:15:14,746 --> 00:15:16,498 Well, look who it is. 402 00:15:16,581 --> 00:15:19,209 Yeah, I was tipped off by your new best friend. 403 00:15:19,292 --> 00:15:20,877 I gave him Dr. Venture 404 00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:23,046 and he sold you out like you were nothing, 405 00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:24,256 so why don't you put these on 406 00:15:24,339 --> 00:15:26,383 and we'll go have a chat with The Monarch? 407 00:15:26,466 --> 00:15:28,218 All right, yeah. Let's. 408 00:15:28,301 --> 00:15:30,679 Let's show him how you two are taking over the cocoon. 409 00:15:30,762 --> 00:15:32,139 He'll never believe you. 410 00:15:32,222 --> 00:15:34,474 Oh, he'll believe his best henchman 411 00:15:34,558 --> 00:15:37,519 over a lying murderer. 412 00:15:37,602 --> 00:15:39,146 I know it was you guys. 413 00:15:39,229 --> 00:15:41,064 [ Door opens ] 414 00:15:41,148 --> 00:15:42,315 Seize the traitor! 415 00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:45,652 Wait! The Moppets have broken our most sacred law. 416 00:15:45,735 --> 00:15:50,240 They killed henchman 24. Hench has killed hench. 417 00:15:50,323 --> 00:15:52,492 Hench has killed hench. Hench has killed hench. 418 00:15:52,576 --> 00:15:55,287 ALL: [chanting] Hench has killed hench... 419 00:15:55,370 --> 00:15:57,414 We didn't! He's a liar and a traitor! 420 00:15:57,497 --> 00:15:59,416 Seize him! - ALL: Hench has killed hench. 421 00:15:59,499 --> 00:16:03,003 I can prove he's lying. Idiots! He's getting away! 422 00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:06,798 [ Sighs ] Forget it. 423 00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:09,092 We looked everywhere for that goddamn extension cord. 424 00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:11,511 I'm done. I'm done. - What are you doing? 425 00:16:11,595 --> 00:16:14,014 I'm untying you and letting you go. 426 00:16:14,097 --> 00:16:16,099 About time Team Venture rescued me. 427 00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:17,559 Nobody came to rescue you. 428 00:16:17,642 --> 00:16:19,311 Look, nobody even answered my ransom calls. 429 00:16:19,394 --> 00:16:21,104 Well, maybe if you hold me longer. 430 00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:22,898 I -- I'm sure somebody's working on a rescue plan. 431 00:16:22,981 --> 00:16:25,901 Forget it. We lose. We're wash-ups. Losers. 432 00:16:25,984 --> 00:16:28,028 You know my best henchman left me? 433 00:16:28,111 --> 00:16:30,030 Yeah. He's been hanging around my place. 434 00:16:30,113 --> 00:16:32,115 That wouldn't have happened if Brock was still around. 435 00:16:32,199 --> 00:16:34,576 Be happy you don't have dwarves taking over your life. 436 00:16:34,659 --> 00:16:37,037 [ Scoffs ] You haven't met my brother, apparently. 437 00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:38,872 Oh, yeah. He's really doing well, huh? 438 00:16:38,955 --> 00:16:40,457 Yeah, I have that with my wife. 439 00:16:40,540 --> 00:16:42,000 She was just tapped for the Council of 13, 440 00:16:42,083 --> 00:16:45,337 so my old number two will be my boss. 441 00:16:45,420 --> 00:16:46,922 That's nothing. 442 00:16:47,005 --> 00:16:48,590 My new bodyguard is my old archenemy. 443 00:16:48,673 --> 00:16:50,592 [ Chuckles ] Yeah, that's messed up. 444 00:16:50,675 --> 00:16:53,178 All right. Well... Guess you should just go home. 445 00:16:53,261 --> 00:16:54,679 Can you even call it a home? 446 00:16:54,763 --> 00:16:56,181 Is it just a box full of memories? 447 00:16:56,264 --> 00:16:57,849 All right. Um... can I get a ride? 448 00:16:57,933 --> 00:16:59,518 No, no. Can't. 449 00:16:59,601 --> 00:17:01,186 I gotta tell the wife you escaped and... 450 00:17:01,269 --> 00:17:02,479 well, you understand. 451 00:17:02,562 --> 00:17:04,314 Yeah, no. So, uh... should I just... 452 00:17:04,397 --> 00:17:06,191 Yeah, let yourself out. 453 00:17:06,274 --> 00:17:09,069 Uh, break a couple of things. Make it look good. 454 00:17:09,152 --> 00:17:11,988 God. I liked being tortured more than this here. 455 00:17:12,072 --> 00:17:15,325 This is... ugh. 456 00:17:15,408 --> 00:17:18,203 I'm just so damn lonely, Rose. 457 00:17:18,286 --> 00:17:19,621 Let's give it a shot. 458 00:17:19,704 --> 00:17:21,540 We're just too different, Rodney. 459 00:17:21,623 --> 00:17:23,708 You're a womanizer and a junkie. 460 00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:25,418 Oh, no. That all ended. 461 00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:28,463 I was faithful to Jeannie 'til the day she died. 462 00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:31,216 And junkie? I-l was a dang super soldier. 463 00:17:31,299 --> 00:17:32,551 Jonas had me on jump juice 464 00:17:32,634 --> 00:17:34,219 for the good of flag and country. 465 00:17:34,302 --> 00:17:35,887 I kicked that years ago. 466 00:17:35,971 --> 00:17:39,182 Rodney, that's just a bushel of baloney. 467 00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:41,560 [gasps] Wait a minute. That voice! 468 00:17:41,643 --> 00:17:44,604 I-I finally figured out why you're so familiar. 469 00:17:44,688 --> 00:17:46,231 Do you have a son named Billy? 470 00:17:46,314 --> 00:17:48,191 Uh, big head, eye patch, metal hand, 471 00:17:48,275 --> 00:17:49,818 probably a midget? 472 00:17:49,901 --> 00:17:52,654 Yes. Oh, my little water baby. 473 00:17:52,737 --> 00:17:54,656 Oh, I haven't seen him in years. 474 00:17:54,739 --> 00:17:56,366 He moved in with a man. 475 00:17:56,449 --> 00:17:58,660 I think he was afraid I'll disapprove of his... 476 00:17:58,743 --> 00:18:00,453 lifestyle choice. 477 00:18:00,537 --> 00:18:02,581 I don't even know where he is anymore. 478 00:18:02,664 --> 00:18:04,541 Well, I do. He's my neighbor. 479 00:18:04,624 --> 00:18:07,711 Hey, how about you two come visit me back home? 480 00:18:07,794 --> 00:18:09,796 You and Uncle Rodney and my new bass 481 00:18:09,879 --> 00:18:13,800 and your little water baby can have a nice reunion. 482 00:18:13,883 --> 00:18:16,970 Yes. Well, that sounds just elegant. 483 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:24,074 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 484 00:18:25,312 --> 00:18:27,230 HATRED: All right, Gary. 485 00:18:27,314 --> 00:18:29,691 Judas. Betray me, will you? 486 00:18:29,774 --> 00:18:32,527 Oh, ho, a reckoning's coming, buddy. 487 00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:35,238 A reckoning is coming! 488 00:18:37,782 --> 00:18:39,826 Sweetie, Dr. Venture escaped! 489 00:18:39,909 --> 00:18:42,287 No, he didn't. I let him go. 490 00:18:42,370 --> 00:18:45,582 What? Are you okay? Why did you let him go? 491 00:18:45,665 --> 00:18:47,876 Because I broke him! 492 00:18:47,959 --> 00:18:51,171 I broke his will! I broke his spirit. 493 00:18:51,254 --> 00:18:53,048 Oh, my lovely, naive little girl, 494 00:18:53,131 --> 00:18:55,175 how easy it is to break a bone, 495 00:18:55,258 --> 00:18:58,720 but to break a man's heart -- that takes genius. 496 00:18:58,803 --> 00:19:01,097 Physical torture? Wounds heal. 497 00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:02,724 But mental torture? 498 00:19:02,807 --> 00:19:05,977 Those wounds only grow and fester. 499 00:19:06,061 --> 00:19:08,855 I have crushed Dr. Venture! 500 00:19:08,938 --> 00:19:12,651 [laughs maniacally] 501 00:19:12,734 --> 00:19:16,112 You know I'm the shit! - I am so turned on. 502 00:19:16,196 --> 00:19:17,864 You have to do me right now. 503 00:19:17,947 --> 00:19:20,283 Come. Service your evil genius. 504 00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:22,869 [ Door opens ] Oh, uh... hey, you guys 505 00:19:22,952 --> 00:19:24,871 I'm, uh... I'm home? 506 00:19:24,954 --> 00:19:26,706 HATRED: Attention, Gary. 507 00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:29,501 It's your old pal, Sergeant Hatred. 508 00:19:29,584 --> 00:19:32,629 Come out with your hands up, or I will -- 509 00:19:32,712 --> 00:19:34,631 Oh. Oh, that's a missile. 510 00:19:34,714 --> 00:19:37,467 Oh, boy. That is on all kinds of fire. 511 00:19:37,550 --> 00:19:40,303 It's heading for the house and it is on fire. 512 00:19:40,387 --> 00:19:41,763 Gary, I still hate you, 513 00:19:41,846 --> 00:19:43,473 but you gotta get out of there! 514 00:19:43,556 --> 00:19:45,809 You got to evacuate, man! 515 00:19:48,478 --> 00:19:50,563 Oh, the humanity! 516 00:19:50,647 --> 00:19:52,607 I-I'm just gonna go now and, uh... 517 00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:54,859 we'll pick this up another time. 518 00:19:54,943 --> 00:19:58,488 [coughs] What the fuck was that? 519 00:19:58,571 --> 00:20:00,490 Our cocoon. 520 00:20:00,573 --> 00:20:03,368 [coughs] That sucked. 521 00:20:03,451 --> 00:20:05,412 Who the fuck is Gary? 522 00:20:05,495 --> 00:20:07,580 [ Up-tempo music plays] 523 00:20:33,523 --> 00:20:36,067 [ car doors close ] 524 00:20:36,151 --> 00:20:38,069 MRS. MONARCH: Oh, it's so romantic. 525 00:20:38,153 --> 00:20:40,029 We're moving into the house you were raised in. 526 00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:41,531 It's like a fairy tale. 527 00:20:41,614 --> 00:20:43,700 Uh, it didn't look quite this bad when I was a kid. 528 00:20:43,783 --> 00:20:45,493 Yeah, it looks like the kind of place 529 00:20:45,577 --> 00:20:48,371 that has creepy, wet Asian kids crawling on the ceiling. 530 00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:51,166 He's a lying, two-timing little so-and-so, 531 00:20:51,249 --> 00:20:52,751 and I broke bread with him! 532 00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,377 I even broke heads with him. 533 00:20:54,461 --> 00:20:56,045 You can't take it personally. 534 00:20:56,129 --> 00:20:57,714 Oh, just watch me! 535 00:20:57,797 --> 00:20:59,591 Just play along. It's not gonna kill you. 536 00:20:59,674 --> 00:21:01,551 Why would you tell your mom I'm gay? 537 00:21:01,634 --> 00:21:03,511 I didn't tell her. I just didn't deny it. 538 00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:05,680 She sent us that China and the sideboard. 539 00:21:05,764 --> 00:21:07,432 White, you love that sideboard. 540 00:21:07,515 --> 00:21:09,476 So, this is Peter. 541 00:21:09,559 --> 00:21:11,644 He's as handsome as you said he was, Billy. 542 00:21:11,728 --> 00:21:13,480 You said I was handsome? 543 00:21:13,563 --> 00:21:16,608 Yeah, it's a little brownstone on Christopher Street. 544 00:21:16,691 --> 00:21:18,651 You can bring Rose. What do you say? 545 00:21:18,735 --> 00:21:21,404 If you don't mind the sound of old people having sex, 546 00:21:21,488 --> 00:21:24,407 you've got yourself a roommate. 547 00:21:24,491 --> 00:21:26,576 Dean, you look like someone died. 548 00:21:26,659 --> 00:21:27,994 This is a funeral, Hank. 549 00:21:28,077 --> 00:21:30,288 No, I mean, like, all the time. 550 00:21:30,371 --> 00:21:32,415 You've been a mess this whole year, man. 551 00:21:32,499 --> 00:21:34,000 You've got to tell me what's eating you. 552 00:21:34,083 --> 00:21:36,336 You want to know, Hank? Okay, fine. 553 00:21:36,419 --> 00:21:38,713 I'm sick of keeping it in, so I'll just tell you. 554 00:21:38,797 --> 00:21:42,550 [sighs] We... are... clones, Hank. 555 00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:44,552 Our whole lives -- it's a lie. 556 00:21:44,636 --> 00:21:47,430 We're not really Hank and Dean anymore. 557 00:21:47,514 --> 00:21:48,890 We've died like 13 times, 558 00:21:48,973 --> 00:21:51,434 and now we're copies of ourselves. 559 00:21:51,518 --> 00:21:53,019 We're clones. 560 00:21:53,102 --> 00:21:55,355 Clones. 561 00:21:55,438 --> 00:21:58,650 Dean... that is awesome. 562 00:21:58,733 --> 00:21:59,901 You're -- you're not upset? 563 00:21:59,984 --> 00:22:01,444 About what?! 564 00:22:01,528 --> 00:22:03,071 That I'm, like, some kind of super-cool, 565 00:22:03,154 --> 00:22:05,740 probably magic, Highlander cyborg clone?! 566 00:22:05,824 --> 00:22:07,033 Uh, no. 567 00:22:07,116 --> 00:22:10,537 Hey, just one more reason it's great to be a Venture. 568 00:22:12,580 --> 00:22:13,998 ACTION MAN: Goodbye, old friend. 569 00:22:14,082 --> 00:22:17,502 Hope you're happy in your new resting place. 570 00:22:17,585 --> 00:22:20,338 Okay, who's the youngest? 571 00:22:20,421 --> 00:22:21,798 Don't look at me. 572 00:22:21,881 --> 00:22:24,467 Dean, son! We need you over here. 573 00:22:24,551 --> 00:22:26,970 Oh, you're gonna love this. 574 00:22:27,305 --> 00:23:27,768 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/72j32 Help other users to choose the best subtitles 575 00:23:27,818 --> 00:23:32,368 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0